I feel what profoundly changed, for me, was what 2013 contained. It wasn't about doing the same thing last year as the year before, instead, 2013 held events that could not be matched by any other year (save for perhaps the year my son was born).
For us, 2013 was the year our daughter, our second child, Evelyn, was born. What a joyous day in April it was! What started as a happy occasion, though, quickly detoured into a two-sided emotion within a matter of hours: worry & hope. The bliss of her birth had to be put on hold because she had to be rushed to the NICU, having been born completely lifeless due to the umbilical cord getting compressed during birth leaving her without oxygen for well over a minute. (See my unfinished post HERE about her birth story.) Two weeks and an eternity later, we brought our beloved home.
This was the first time I was able to hold her,
four days after she was born.
After the events of spring and summertime, I returned to work only to have my milk supply dwindle then completely disappear despite all my exhaustive efforts, which sent me spiraling into depression. I was put on medication, which ended up having a worse effect on me than the depression, so I made the conscious decision to stop the medicine. By doing so, I began to binge eat again and I gained back the ten pounds I had lost on the medication. I felt like I was at an emotional stand still.
Then, one cold December evening, it snowed.
It hardly ever snows here and when it does, it's usually a little slush on the grass that melts away in an hour! I spent the entire evening playing outside with Rick and Damien, throwing snowballs and enjoying what I knew would melt away in the coming days. I so immensely enjoyed having blissful family time that I forgot all about the rest of the world.
After Damien went to bed that night, I stood outside in the navy blue-tinted darkness, watching the snow flakes fall gently to the ground, framed by the soft twinkling of our neighbor's Christmas lights. It was so quiet, so peaceful. Time stood still and all was perfect.
In that moment, my depression was lifted.
(I only wish it were so easy for others suffering with depression as well.)
I will never regret what 2013 gave to us. It certainly was a true roller coaster of emotions, but the most important thing to me is that we came out stronger on the other side. As my work schedule returns to normal and Damien is back in school from Christmas vacation, I am moving on from the complexities of the previous year without forgetting both the good & bad moments, and what both gave to me as a life lesson.
So while it is true that I am not making resolutions for 2014, I am beginning to do what nature does on its own: welcoming the new. My goals for the near and distant future may be similar to those making a New Year's resolution, but where I differ is that I am making a "better life resolution" for myself and my family.
Better life, but not necessarily more money. Just better, emotionally. And that's where they become goals for life, not just a resolution that will be broken in two months.